


The Karl Franz Appreciation Society

by Viscount_Vampyre



Category: Warhammer Fantasy
Genre: Absurd, Comedy, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fun, Gen, Not Serious, Tongue-in-cheek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:48:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25476418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viscount_Vampyre/pseuds/Viscount_Vampyre
Summary: In the vast sewer system underneath the imperial capital of Altdorf a strange cult of personality has formed, by the most unlikely of creatures!Read and review if you please, and don't hesitate to let me know of any additional tags to add in the comments.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	1. Part One

The Karl Franz Appreciation Society

In a festering culvert of the loud and busy city of Altdorf a small skaven darted along in the shadows, unseen by the humans above.

“Bah! These human people peoples, there are far too many for mine like-like…”

This particular skaven had renamed himself Karl after his idol…

Many skaven are odd… they have odd ways, odd speech, odd manners, and of course odd inclinations.

For Karl the skaven, he had become obsessed with the Emperor Karl Franz and ever since he first saw the young emperor as a prince, before his coronation, the little skaven had loved him.

He’d developed a series of small tunnels into the walls of the sewers, catacombs, and various cellars and dungeons throughout the city of Altdorf.

Through the use of these tunnels he was able to view the Emperor whenever he made a public address, whenever he set out to make a public appearance, and whenever he left the city for matters of state or when he sought respite from the wearying demands of his nation.

A fellow skaven living in the city’s sewers spotted Karl and immediately set to teasing him.

“See-saw your pretty King-prince?”

“Shush-shush! S-shut your mouth!” he spat in response.

Scurrying past the fellow skaven Karl had to keep on; he didn’t want to miss the emperor’s speech.

Karl had overheard that morning in the market that the emperor was about to deliver an address, overjoyed at the prospect of seeing his idol the little skaven set to immediately run to the culvert within the imperial courtyard.

From there he was guaranteed a sight and spot to watch and hear the emperor’s voice.

‘What may be-be the matter today?’ he wondered.

He paused to recollect the day and the time of year, ‘Not a war declaration surely? Hmm, may be-is a plague in the north? OH! I know royal heir-child!’

He leapt with an increased spring in his step, “Yes! The little prince-princess is sure to be birth-born!”

Karl had learned the tongue of the empire and kept a meticulous record of the Emperor, his relations, and the children of the imperial house.

He was a ‘royal watcher’ through and through and in his small den, hidden in a foundation stone under the imperial palace, he kept mementos and crude drawings he’d made of key events or things he’d seen.

Coming towards the culvert he sat himself down and began brushing his snout nervously.

“D-did I miss-miss it?”

He heard the cheering and throngs of people in the courtyard and he felt his little rodent heart skip a beat.

“No! I… I miss-miss not-saw it…” his eyes nervously searched the scene through the bars of the culvert’s cover and he began to pout.

But then, like the smell of fresh food, he became relieved.

Trumpets began a loud and soaring call.

He clapped his paws together and got as close to the culvert’s entrance as he dared.

“The imperial noise-reveille, He’s come-walking!”

Squinting Karl looked across the courtyard until finally at the railing of the imperial balcony he saw the armoured and feathered personage of the emperor of all the Reik.

His heart beat with joy and he giggled as he clapped along with the mass of people watching.

Rubbing his whiskers he watched unblinkingly as the emperor waved and motioned to another figure beside him, the Empress-consort stepped forwards and in her arms held a bundle.

Karl the skaven’s jaw lowered and he nodded excitedly.

“It is true-real! It’s a little prince-princess!”

The Emperor leaned forwards and together he and his wife held up for the adoration of the crowd a small babe.

The crowd loudly applauded and cheered.

Karl the skaven added his meek little voice to the jubilation and clapped loudly in his tunnel.

Aroused by the noise a small skaven began crawling towards Karl.

“What’s the noise-noise about?”

Karl didn’t look away but he answered innocently; ‘Man-emperor Karl and his empress-wife gave life-birth to a little prince-princess!”

The skaven sat beside Karl and tried looking out past the people.

“What’s this-this crowd for?”

Karl rolled his eyes and coughed, “To celebrate the life-birth, duh!”

“Oh…”

“Is that the man-emperor?”

The skaven pointed and Karl nodded, “Yes-yes, that’s him.”

Karl the skaven felt happy and joyful at the sight of the small babe bundled in the bright white cloth.

Waving to his people the emperor briefly shouted down his thanks, and the imperial couple waved before turning and leaving the balcony.

Karl shook his head and lowly whispered, “Wow…”

His fellow skaven seemed confused.

“What now-now, do we try to eat the man-baby?”

Karl looked at his fellow skaven and reached for the nearest object.

Taking hold of a broken length of piping he smacked the dimwitted skaven across the top of his head.

“Gods below!” he shook his head, “You are dumb-stupid!”

Reeling from the knock to his skull the skaven moaned in pain and rubbed his furry head.

Throwing the pipe down the tunnel Karl began scurrying along while announcing, “Come-follow me!”

…

That evening, in a small juncture between two large sewer pipes Karl the skaven assembled several of his fellow skaven, including the one he battered with a pipe, and began speaking.

“Welcome-come to the, first, general-all meeting of: the Karl Franz man-emperor appreciation society!”

Some of the dimmer skaven clapped immediately while the others cocked their heads in confusion.

Behind Karl the skaven was a large banner made of torn cloth with a crudely drawn man’s face smiling on it.

“Who’s Karl Franz? We thought-think you was Karl?”

Karl the skaven nodded, “I am-is. But my name comes from the man-emperor!”

The skaven collectively ‘oohed’ in understanding.

“Now-now to open this meeting I will tell-speak of the great man-emperor!”

The skaven sat and curled themselves low as they watched and listened to Karl talk.

He’d never really shared his passion before, but by the end of his speech the few skaven in attendance began hounding him with all sorts of questions.

Within a very short amount of time Karl the skaven’s club had grown to fifteen members.

Meeting regularly they began talking of the Emperor and of the royal family. Sharing drawings they had made of various scenes and events that they knew of or had heard the emperor being present at:

They drew pictures of his coronation, his wedding day… battle scenes. Whenever the skaven got hold of a coin with his face on it they immediately fought each other for a closer glimpse at his portraiture.

…

In the city above, busy with the sounds of daily life, the emperor and his family went on completely unaware that beneath their own palace, a small cult of appreciation had started, amongst the most unlikely of creatures…


	2. Part Two

The Karl Franz Appreciation Society

-Strange trades with the Rat-men-

In Altdorf it was known that some undesirables attempted to infiltrate and make their dark designs manifest: agents of chaos, spies, Border Prince Diplomats, as well as unscrupulous merchants, and schemers of all stripes, creeds, or races.

It was one of largest cities in the Old World, certainly the largest in the empire.

And so it was understandable that the capital would attract these and others to its gates.

Adolf von Harrow was a merchant. Though his noble name ‘von Harrow’ might lead one to assume he was of good breeding and upstanding character, the reality was he was one of the most unscrupulous and underhanded merchants which called Altdorf his home…

He’d lie to his competition, he’d use legal suits to stifle threats to his operations, and he’d utilise subterfuge to dismantle companies attempting to start up in ‘his’ section of the city.

Close to the industrial quarter, where the runoff from the various smithies, tanners, and weavers would be dumped into the river, he had set up his main base of operations.

He worked out of a decrepit public-house and made no effort to revitalise the area or even his own properties.

He liked it filthy, and he liked saving his coin.

Having such a negative reputation amongst fellow traders wasn’t beneficial to making his legitimate business thrive. But he didn’t care.

Adolf von Harrow was also into contraband, illegal items, and he ran and owned one of, if not the, largest smuggling operation in the capital.

The secret to his success was his alliance with the skaven of the Altdorf sewers.

…

Raising his wearied head away from his account book Adolf heard a strange scurry down the wooden hallway of the second floor of his pub.

His pistol-armed guard narrowed his brow and eyed the office door suspiciously.

Scratching feet began getting louder and closer to the door.

Adolf relaxed and nodded, “I know who it is Gunther, open it.”

Warily the guard reached forwards and drew open the dirty wooden door.

In the dark of the hall a hunched bipedal creature stood to the side of the wide hall. It was covered by thick robes and a hood which drooped over its’ head.

The creature was almost the size of a man but the way it stood, its breathing, its body language; it was plain to anyone that it was definitely not human.

“Is that you pip-squeak?” Adolf called.

Turning its neck so as to look up at the two humans the snout and whiskers of a skaven came into view.

His voice was gravelly and his eyes turned wildly from man to man as he approached the office.

Nodding violently he finally found his voice and gestured towards himself.

“Yes-yes, is I.”

He titled his head in confusion, “Though that is not my name-me? You know who I am-is, why do you lie like this-this?”

Adolf shook his head and smirked.

Dealing with the skaven was almost unthinkable at first. But economic demands have a funny way of making the oddest of bedfellows.

“It’s fine Gunther, it’s our…” Adolf chuckled, “our ‘man’ on the inside.”

The skaven nodded to the guard and brought a paw out as he bowed diplomatically.

“We are Black-Tail, sneakiest of the sneaky…”

Slowly the skaven reached his hand towards his belt and drew out an envelope.

The guard watched the skaven uneasily but saw that the creature was unarmed.

“We bare-have no kill-tools.”

Offering a grin the guard cringed at the sight of Black-Tail’s many sharp, yellowed, and jagged teeth.

Bowing again Black-Tail continued, “Only trade-bargain! Business-business as was agreed with the man-creatures.”

Once he felt comfortable the cloaked skaven slipped past the pistoled guard and scampered towards Adolf’s desk, his letter outstretched.

“What’s this?” Adolf asked.

“From one of–“ he shook his head and mentally scolded himself, “No-no. I naught say, you read you give me message, then was see about new treaty-bargain?”

Adolf furrowed his brow and received the letter suspiciously.

Opening the paw-print covered parchment he did his best to decipher the scrawled characters along the lines of the page.

It looked like the script written by a child just learning to write, letters bled into one another, ink seeped through in some places because the pen was held too long, some letters were larger than others. But despite this Adolf eventually read the message.

“So this, ‘under-Emperor’… he’s requesting what exactly? I see here that he’s…”

“Flip-turn over!” Black-Tail announced. “Other side has message-words too.”

Adolf looked back down and flipped the page.

He chuckled in disbelief.

But as he read along he eventually began shaking his head, “No way… that’s not happening!”

Black-Tail twitched nervously and began ruffling around in his cloak.

“K-Karl, Under Emperor said you’d say-speak that!”

Eventually he pulled out a small pouch and reverently brought the leather bag forwards.

“Might-might change your mind? About treaty-bargain?”

Adolf looked at his guard and then Black-Tail as the skaven dropped the pouch lightly to the cluttered desk.

“O-open!” he encouraged as he stepped back.

Nervously running his paws over his snout Black-Tail laughed and began eyeing the guard.

Leaning towards the pouch Adolf put the letter aside and began opening the small leather bag.

As soon as the warm light of the room’s candles entered the bag it glittered and sparkled.

Adolf’s eyes widened and he looked up.

Black-Tail smiled his toothy grin and nodded furiously.

Pouring the bag out Adolf chuckled in disbelief at the contents: diamonds.

“B-by Sigmar’s cock!”

Adolf stared with his mouth open.

“Th-that’s… w-what on earth?”

Black-Tail pulled out another piece of parchment and began unfolding it.

Clearing his throat he began to read, as best he could.

“We re-require as a new-new treaty-trade-deal the following items, but as part of new-new treaty we offer more-many runners and smuggle-hiders to help-work on our old deal-pact.”

He sneezed and continued, “Old deal-pact was good, but new treaty-bargain is better! Signed Karl, and every member of Kafans!”

Adolf furrowed his brow in dumbfounded confusion.

“K-kafans?”

Black-Tail nodded and opened his mouth but immediately stopped himself.

“No-no, is secret! Not for man-creatures!”

Shaking his head Adolf held out his hand for the second letter.

“Yes-yes, here these are our demand-requests! That we want-need.”

Looking over the strange bullet point list Adolf’s confusion and perplexment grew,

“Shiny white-stone picture-rock of Emperor Karl Franz… clothes made by Emperor’s clothes-maker… picture-painting of Emperor and Emperor-mate and child-babes…”

The list continued with other strange requests like, ‘sweet-salt’ which the skaven erroneously called sugar. Another was ‘empty writing box’ which when Adolf asked for clarification Black-Tail described what could only be a book.

…

By offering an increase in capital, and offering more manpower in Adolf’s underground smuggling the skaven had bought themselves all the items and resources necessary for expanding the grandeur of the ‘Karl Franz man-emperor appreciation society’.

They now began baking confectionary…

Of course Skaven baking would probably kill a human being, but the addition of sugar and practise allowed the cooks working for Karl the Skaven to begin making small cookies and strange little flat-cakes.

The purchase of tea also changed the environment of the meetings… The small meeting place that Karl originally held their first meeting in had to be expanded.

In fact all the tunnels leading to it had to be expanded as well to accommodate the massive marble statue that the skaven had purchased of their patron.

They used timber framing and began developing a strange level of competency and dedication. The skaven which made up the ‘Kafans’ cult began emulating the professionalism and seriousness of the people above the city they called home.

The new meeting hall that the skaven excavated became furnished with ripped and stolen carpeting; gilded candelabras now lit their previously gloomy and dark halls.

And above in the city of Altdorf the richer quarters and residences of the noble and merchant classes were being burgled in the night.

A wave of strange crime had begun in the imperial capital; tapestries, paintings of imperial scenes, candelabras, cutlery, porcelain serving-wear, and even nicely made clothing began to disappear.

The city guard were baffled by the ease with which the thieves were making off with their sometimes absurdly large and strange heists… What was _not_ stolen also became a subject of great mystery and interest.

For example some thieves broke into one of the glassworks of Altdorf and stole an incomplete stained glass picture of the emperor and Deathclaw yet the glasswork’s small vault of gold and silver ingots and coin was left unmolested.

The captain of the city guard had every gate locked one evening and the whole city watch on patrol as a city-wide curfew was enforced and yet a home was still robbed!

What was taken you may wonder?

A marble bust of Karl Franz’s father, the previous emperor Luitpold.

Beside the bust were books worth tens of thousands in coin for their arcane knowledge and yet the library was untouched…

The bust was found the next morning at the bottom of a fountain by some children fishing for coins.

…

Below the stone roads of the city, within the damp and dark tunnels the members of the Karl Franz appreciation society were meeting.

At the head of his ‘club’ Karl the Skaven hushed his rowdy and excited fellow skaven,

“Quiet-hush! Today we show-show very-most-special thing!”

The skaven began quieting as they stared in awe at their leader.

Beside Karl Black-Tail appeared with something wide under his arm. It was covered by a dark cloth sheet and he and Karl began un-wrapping it carefully.

Holding the object above his head Black-Tail began showing the skaven congregation a painting.

It was a cherub styled painting of a babe in the arms of a woman.

At first the skaven mumbled and whispered in confusion.

Then Karl cleared his throat and began pointing, “This-this is first official-real painting of the Empress and the new royal babe-child!”

The crowd began howling in excitement and adoration; they pushed past one another to get closer to Black-Tail to see the features of the small painting.

The Empress was depicted simply; she had few imperial adornments and was in a somewhat casual and intimate dress. While her child, the focus of the painting, was framed like an almost religious or divine figure. Wrapped in a simple white cloth the pale and rosy flesh of the newborn looked like it was polished marble, the cheeks were bright pink and the nose was red. Everything about the child was angelic and displayed the mastery of the artists’ brush hand.

The skaven began ‘oo-ing’ and ‘ah-ing’ as they looked it over.

The painting had been commissioned by Karl Franz himself, though the skaven didn’t know. They merely received information from their smuggling ring that a painting of the Empress and Child was recently completed and on its way to the imperial palace from the docks.

Slipping aboard each ship that docked along the river Black-Tail’s agents and ‘sneaky-sneakers’ scoured the holds and inventories of the barges and small craft laden with treasure, until finally one of them found what Black-Tail had been tipped off about.

‘A most-perfect beauty painting of our beloved lady empress and the new prince-princess’

With the painting in their possession they scampered back to their sewers and called a grand meeting to unveil it to all their faithful ‘Kafans’.

…


End file.
